Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
