So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
