I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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