You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
