is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
