Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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