Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
