Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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