Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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