goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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