my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think my fart just growled at me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize