My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Someone signed my nipple.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
