I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
