i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
