So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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