they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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