At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
