We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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