I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize