the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
