Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
