My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are we still banned from the library?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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