I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
