I just threw up on my dentist
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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