How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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