He uses pillows to masturbate.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
