There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
birth control should be required to get into college
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
