I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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