We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize