dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize