This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sext me about skeletons
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize