In the future we'll all be gay
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
