The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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