Where is the hickey?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
