Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
