This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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