you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
