I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize