i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
