If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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