What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
