I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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