if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
