you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
