Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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