I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
