I am puke
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
