im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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