Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
