ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
