I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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