I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
