You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
