So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
