I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i now understand why vodka
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
