Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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