I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
