dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
