i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
