i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
