there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
