He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
