You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
