Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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