i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
