How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
