just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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