Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What drink are we having for lunch?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
