I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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