i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
