You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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