his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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